Lancaster Grand

Shows for May 2016

The Witches of Eastwick

a LADOS production

Tuesday 3rd May to Saturday 7th May at 7.30pm Saturday matinee at 2.30pm

Tickets: Tuesday £10 Wednesday - Saturday including matinee £12- £11 group bookings 10+

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Swan Lake

Sunday 8th May at 5pm

One of the best known love stories, performed by the ever popular Vienna Festival Ballet. Lavish costumes, stunning scenery, international stars, and the glorious music from Tchaikovsky make this a night not to be missed.

 Swan Lake is the most popular ballet in the world. It's the ballet that captures like no other the full range of human emotions - from hope to despair, from terror to tenderness, from melancholy to ecstasy. 

An evening not to be missed 

“Vienna Festival Ballet, with its talented array of young artistes, ensures you won’t see dancers going through the motions”    Oxford Times 

“This production looks and feels absolutely right”

Worthing Herald

Tickets: £18/£17/£12 child

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Ruby Wax - FRAZZLED A guide to Mindfulness

Tuesday 10th May at 7:30pm



A forum for discussion

Ruby Wax is a much loved US born comedian, actor and writer based in the UK.  She has also become a mental health campaigner and gained a Masters degree in Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy from Oxford University.

 This event is a follow up to her sell out touring show, and best-selling book, ‘Sane New World’, which helps us understand why we sabotage our sanity with our own thinking.

The Forum is an opportunity to engage in discussion with Ruby to explore further the power of mindfulness practice and how it can be applied in daily life.  

This event is your passport to saner living. She might not be sane herself but she does a pretty good imitation.

Tickets: £18

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An Evening with Pam Ayres

Wednesday 11th May at 7:30pm

Pam Ayres brings her current show to Lancaster after the recent publication of her latest book, You Made Me Late Again! 

Pam Ayres has been making the nation laugh for over 40 years. Her work is funny, and approachable.  Her hair-trigger timing, her eye for the detail of everyday life, and for the absurdity therein, makes for an art that hides art. 

Recent radio broadcasts include Just A Minute, Loose Ends, and her own series of Ayres On The Air for Radio 4, and on TV the Paul O’Grady and Alan Titchmarsh shows, The TV That Made Me, Countdown, and The One Show. 

“Pam Ayres’ session was one of my highlights of the Hay Festival this year because I laughed so hard that my stomach ached for hours afterwards, and it is wonderful to witness a true craftswoman practice her art.”

Review from Hay Festival 2015

Tickets: £22.50

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Julian Clary - The Joy of Mincing


Thursday 12th May at 8pm

Julian Clary, national trinket, author, TV and radio star is coming up your way to the Lancaster Grand Theatre

The Joy of Mincing is Julian Clary’s celebration of 30 years as a camp comedian. There is so much to tell you; the ups and downs of his sordid love life, the true and heart stopping account of how he saved Dame Joan Collins’ life, and don’t start him on the perils of his DIY electrical home enema kit. 

On stage Julian will proudly wear his well-deserved M.B.E (Mincer of the British Empire). It was the last thing he expected to receive when he knelt down in front of Prince Charles in the scullery at Buckingham Palace…  

And because Julian gives and gives (until it hurts) he will be handing out honours to the lucky few in the audience too. This is Julian at his filthy best. Live and unplugged.  

Come and witness a masterclass in camp comedy.  

Over 16s only

He never falters. You think knob jokes are easy? Clary makes them flow like cheap German wine. It’s absolute fluff, but he pulls it off.’ Dominic Maxwell. The Times.  

Outrageously funny. A master comedian at the top of his game.’ Andrew Edwards What’s On Stage.

Tickets: £23/£20

This show cannot be booked online, tickets are available from the box office only. 01524 64695

Thank ABBA for the Music

Saturday 14th May at 7:30pm

Grab your platforms and flares for a journey back in time to when ABBA dominated the charts and ruled the airwaves.  New for 2016 and featuring all of ABBA's greatest and most memorable hits, Thank ABBA For The Music is the ultimate feel good, party style tribute show. 

This two-hour theatre spectacular really does capture all the magic and excitement of one of the world's most successful and entertaining live bands. With superb vocals and clever ABBA trademark harmonies, stunning replica stage costumes, a sprinkling of tongue-in-cheek Swedish humour and plenty of audience participation throughout, you're sure to be having the time of your life! 

The seven-piece band is backed throughout by interactive video projection which, at regular points, depicts key moments throughout ABBA's musical career together with clips of interviews from celebrities and music experts alike. 

All of ABBA's greatest hits are here including Dancing Queen, Waterloo, Mamma Mia, Take A Chance On Me, Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight), Knowing Me Knowing You, Fernando, Chiquitita, Super Trouper, Lay All Your Love On Me and many, many more.

ABBA and 70’s fancy dress is optional (but certainly adds to the fun) …


Nicky Stevens of Brotherhood of Man (winners of Eurovision Song Contest 1976) 


The Sands Centre, Carlisle 


The Sage Gateshead

Official website at

Tickets: £19.59/£17.50 conc

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Adam Hess and Ahir Shah

Wednesday 18th May at 8pm



Adam Hess

Hotly tipped multi-award winner performs his highly anticipated debut hour in which he tries his best to make you laugh a lot and like him loads. He's written for lots of big TV programmes and is really nice so what are you waiting for, guys?

One of the most exciting new acts in the country, Adam Hess is well known for his unique brand of comedy on Twitter accruing tens of thousands of followers. In 2013 a tweet by Adam was voted funniest of the year by The Telegraph. A prolific writer, he has written for TV regulars such as Chris Ramsey and Seann Walsh and was a staff writer on the latest series of Russell Howard’s Good News.

‘For good quality gags per minute, there is no better comedian’ **** The Independent

‘Relentlessly entertaining, full of beautiful imagery’  **** Time Out  

 ‘Fast, funny, and vibrant, this is an assured debut from a man who deserves all the ‘one-to-watch’ tips he attracts’ **** Chortle

**** The Evening Standard



Ahir Shah: Distant

Thoughtful wastrel Ahir Shah does a funny and good stand-up show about the importance of faraway things. Topics include World War One, cigarettes, vegetarianism, Islamism, capitalism, politics, climate change, love, and pirates. 

Shah’s incisive brand of stand-up combines lyrical language, emotional frankness, and sweet gags. This erudite, philosophical style has seen him perform across the UK and abroad, earning consistent acclaim and an inconsistent income.

 "Passionate, poetic, and powerfully funny" ★★★★ The List

 "An over-educated, self-hating leftie" ★★★★ The Scotsman

 ★★★★ The Guardian  ★★★★ The List  ★★★★ The Scotsman  ★★★★ The Skinny

★★★★ Fest  ★★★★ Edinburgh Festivals Magazine  ★★★★ Broadway Baby

Tickets: £10/£9 conc

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Mad About the Musicals 10th Anniversary Tour

starring Gareth Gates and Michael Courtney

Thursday 19th May at 7:30pm

Taking you on a whistle stop tour from the heart of London’s theatre land to the glitz of Broadway, MAD ABOUT THE MUSICALS is back once again, celebrating the very best songs from the shows we all know and love!  

With a host of your favourite numbers from the pen of Rodgers & Hammerstein, Kander & Ebb, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Boublil & Schonberg and many more, the talented cast of MAD ABOUT will evoke the true spirit of the stage, with brilliant vocals and West End musicians to bring you the very best show in town!

 From the poignant ‘All I Ask Of You’ to the dramatic ‘One Day More’, you can sit back and enjoy two hours of unforgettable London and New York favourites, brought to you by a cast direct from the West End, including Gareth Gates and Michael Courtney -  ‘A Pure Slice Of Entertainment’! 

Hailed asOUTSTANDING!’ by the Stage, THE BEST SHOW OF ITS KIND’ by Encore Magazine and nominated The UK ‘PRODUCER OF THE YEAR’ this is one definitely not to miss!!

Tickets: £23/£21conc

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Dirty Dusting

Friday 20th May at 7:30pm

After a sellout UK tour in 2014, Dirty Dusting returns to the stage in 2015. Treat yourself to an evening of pure theatrical Viagra!!

Three cleaning ladies, (past their sell by date) start up a telephone sex line!!! “The Telephone Belles” – A Dirty Sex Chat Line that really cleans up!

Gladys, Elsie and Olive are three cleaning ladies who are about to be “put out to pasture” by their overzealous office manager Dave. Feeling they have little chance of gaining employment elsewhere, the ladies have to boost their falling income!

A chance wrong number requiring A Sex Chat Line rings into the office and gives them a great idea….. “Why not run a Sex Chat Line?” After all, their age and appearance won’t matter on the telephone and providing they can keep this a secret from their boss….they could be onto a winner!!

Needless to say……things don’t go entirely according to plan.

“Dirty Dusting Telephone Sex”-  A Chat Line that Really Cleans Up

This is a heart warming feel-good comedy that will have you rolling in the aisles and smiling every time you answer the phone!

Written by Ed Waugh and Trevor Wood, this production is directed by Leah Bell who injects this hilarious play with a fresh and lively approach coupled with her own unique style.


Crissy Rock (Hit TV Series Bendorm and I’m a Celebrity)

Leah Bell (Comedienne and actress)

Dolores Porretta Brown (Stage and TV actress)

Introducing Lee Brannigan


Tickets: £20

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An Evening with The Rubettes

Saturday 21st May at 7:30pm

An Evening With Original Rubettes Alan Williams, John Richardson and Mick Clarke as they play the hit’s and tell ‘like it was’. Accompanied by Steve Innes Etherington

 Hear the songs, the stories and the memories as recalled by the guys who were actually there. On their first solo tour since the 70’s three of the original Rubettes line up, Alan Williams, John Richardson and Mick Clarke re-live some of the events leading up to and during the Rubettes success years when their classic worldwide number one hit ‘Sugar Baby Love’ shot them to stardom paving the way for a further 15 international hit’s which assured their place in Rock n’ Roll history as Icons of the Glam Rock era.

 The seventies were indeed glamorous as was the Rubettes unforgettable iconic image of Gatzby white suits and caps. A seventies fan or not you won’t want to miss this unique opportunity to hear how it all came about as recalled by those who took part in the making. 

The Rubettes Hit’s include ‘Sugar Baby Love’ ‘Tonight’ ‘Juke Box Jive’ ‘I Can Do It’ ‘Foe Dee O Dee’ ‘Little Darling’ ‘Baby I know’ and many more. Formed in 1974 they remained at the top throughout the 70’s with 15 international hit singles and 8 albums selling over thirty million records worldwide.

Tickets: £20

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An Audience with Martin Kemp

Tuesday 24th May at 7:30pm

Martin was born in Islington in October 1961. By the age of six he was attending the Anna Scher Children’s Theatre, and by the age of ten appeared regularly on television in programmes including Rumpole Of The Bailey, Dixon Of Dock Green, The Tomorrow People and Jackanory!

In 1979 he formed the new romantic band Spandau Ballet playing bass guitar. The group went on to tour the world and had a number of Top 20 hits in the 80’s. The single ‘True’ made the American Top 10.

By the late 80’s Martin had married Shirlie, one of the backing singers from Wham, and had started a family. He was then asked to star alongside his brother Gary in the film ‘The Krays’ which was a huge success. He then moved to Hollywood and made several films including: Sugar Town opposite Rosanna Arquette, Monk Dawson, Vampires Embrace and Sailors Tatto before returning to Britain.

In 1998 he was offered the role of Steve Owen in the BBC’s Bafta Award winning drama series EastEnders, a role he played until March 2002. During that time Martin won numerous awards including Best Male Actor at the National TV Awards in both 2001. 

Martin’s first two-hour drama for ITV, Daddy’s Girl was screened in September 2002 to great acclaim, and a new 6×1 hour drama series entitled Serious and Organised, also for ITV, transmitted in early January 2003. More recently Martin was seen in The Family another      6 X 1 hour drama for ITV, as George Joseph Smith in Brides In The Bath a two hour special for YTV/ITV and as Howard Walmsley in Can’t Buy Me Love a 90 minute one off drama for ITV which also starred Michelle Collins. 

Most recently Martin played the role Will Spencer in the British Feature Film Back In Business, Jacke Afflick in Miss Marple – Sleeping Murder’ for ITV and Mark Terry in Love Lies Bleeding, which also starred Hugo Speer and Claire Goose. The Best Years, Assassin with and Age of Kill where he takes the lead as British spy Sam Blake,

Martin has directed two feature films Stalker a horror/thriller and Top Dog a gritty movie for Universal.

His book ‘True – An Autobiography of Martin Kemp’ was published in 2000 and spent several months in the Sunday Times best sellers list.

Martin supports several major charities.

The last two years have been spent touring the world with Spandau Ballet, promoting the film ‘Soul Boys of the Western World’ and playing to sold out arenas at every stop!

Tickets: £22.50/£21 conc a limited numer of Meet and Greet at £35

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The Searchers

Wednesday 25th May at 7:30pm

John McNally   Frank Allen   Spencer James   Scott Ottaway

The Searchers remarkable career continues. With such classic hits as, Sweets For My Sweet; Needles and Pins; Don’t Throw Your Love Away; Sugar and Spice and When You Walk In The Room, they have contributed enormously in establishing the UK as the world’s leading nation in the music industry. There is no doubt that the decade that gave us The Beatles as well as The Searchers and many others was very special and will go down in history as being the most imaginative period of music creativity and expression. 

With total record sales well in excess of 50 million, The Searchers still have great appeal to audiences of all ages. They tour the globe as much today as they have done throughout a fantastic career spanning 5 decades. 

Their special ‘solo’ concert is a highly entertaining show and has been enthusiastically and warmly received throughout the world. Combined with anecdotes and reminiscences, this fully self-contained concert includes all their famous hits, plus many album recordings, B-sides and a selection of other collector and well known favourites. 

Don’t miss The Searchers live in concert!

Tickets: £20

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Romesh Ranganathan - Irrational

Friday 27th May at 8pm

“Ranganathan's punchlines are sharper and funnier than many of his peers.” The Guardian 

Romesh Ranganathan is back with a brand new show exploring the rationality of his worldview.  ‘Irrational’ will see Romesh examine the issues close to his heart, and explains why everybody else is wrong about them.

★★★★ Sunday Times 

The last two years have been incredible for Ranganathan with his two critically acclaimed Edinburgh Festival shows, ‘Rom Wasn’t Built In A Day’ and ‘Rom Com’ being nominated for the coveted Edinburgh Festival Awards for Best Show 2014 and Best Newcomer in 2013.  This new show promises to be as much of a hit!

“supremely accomplished” ★★★★ Chortle 

Romesh has come a long way since quitting his career as a maths teacher making a real name for himself appearing on BBC1’s ‘Live At The Apollo’, ‘Jack Dee’s HelpDesk’, ‘Have I Got News For You’, BBC2’s ‘Mock The Week’, ‘The Apprentice: You’re Fired’, ITV1’s ‘Play To The Whistle’, ‘The Jonathan Ross Show’, Channel 4’s ‘Alan Carr Chatty Man’ and most recently Dave’s ‘Taskmaster’. 

This autumn will see the launch of Romesh’s very own six-part series for BBC Three ‘Asian Provocateur’ where we will see his mum sending him off to Sri Lanka in search of his roots on the trip she has always hoped he would make. 

Romesh will be supported by Phil Jerrod

“… his ability to produce bitingly fresh gags marks him out from the crowd.” The Guardian


Tickets: £14 / £12 conc

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Gary Delaney - brand new tour 2016

Saturday 28th May at 7:30pm

Regular on BBC 2's Mock The Week & 5Live's Seven Day Saturday, Double Sony Award Winner

Chortle Award Nominee 

Gary’s previous tour extended four times, playing over 240 dates. Now he’s back with a brand new show entertaining the UK with his famous one-liners and expertly crafted comedy.  Widely regarded as being one of the most quotable one-liner comics in the country, with a huge twitter following. His talents have led him to write for 8 Out Of 10 Cats, A League Of Their Own, Live At The Apollo and The Royal Variety Performance. 

“Gary Delaney has more quality jokes in one hour than many comics have in their entire careers…quite brilliant” ★★★★ The Scotsman 

“I laughed and I laughed and I laughed… A master craftsman”  ★★★★ The Times 

“Picasso of puns”   ★★★★ Chortle

Tickets: £14

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Tickets can be collected from the box office in advance or half an hour before the show.