Lancaster Grand

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Current Shows (21)

Dick Whittington

A Lancaster Footlights Production

Weekday evenings at 7.30pm matinees at 2.30pm Christmas Eve 2.30pm Boxing day at 2.30pm

Following on from last year's record breaking perfomance, Lancaster Footlights presents another fabulous and fun-filled  traditional family Pantomime - oh yes it is - with lots of music, dancing, jokes, laughter and audience participation.

Matinees (start at 2.30pm)  2, 3, 9, 10, 16, 23, 24, 26th December

Evenings (start at 7.30pm)  8, 15, 18, 20, 21, 22, 27, 28, 29th December

Sunday 17th Dec. Performances at 11am and 3pm

Tickets: £9.50/£8.50 conc family £33, Christmas Eve £10.50/£9.50 conc no family tickets, Boxing day £10.50/£9.50 conc no family tickets

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SOLD OUT Jason Manford - a work in progress

Thursday 14th December at 7:30pm

SOLD OUT!

“He's blessed with the sort of laid-back charm and sharp turn of phrase you can't manufacture” – Daily Telegraph                  

Jason Manford, is back with a work in progress show ahead of his national tour in 2018, which promises to feature a wealth of comedy anecdotes, misunderstandings and audience banter delivered with Jason’s likeable charm and teasingly intelligent wit.

 ‘Sunday Night at the Palladium’ (ITV1), ‘Live at the Apollo’ (BBC One), ‘Have I Got News For You’, (BBC One), QI (BBC Two) and ‘The Royal Variety Performance’ (ITV1) have all helped establish Jason as a nationally known comic.

“Effortlessly entertaining” – Evening Standard 

www.jasonmanford.com

Tickets: £15

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SOLD OUT Jon Richardson - The Old Man

Off the Kerb Productions

Tuesday 19th December at 8pm

The British Comedy Award nominee and star of Live At The Apollo and 8 Out Of 10 Cats is embarking on a nationwide tour to complain about the state of the world and offer no solutions.  Since his last show he has become a husband and father, seen the UK vote to leave the EU and watched the rise of Donald Trump, all of which leaves him asking one question, why does it seem that no one else alive can correctly load a dishwasher?

 

Come and see what Jon Richardson can do with words when he has more than thirty seconds to work with.  Or should that be “with which to work”? 

 

Best known as team captain on ‘8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown’, Jon has been massively in demand for television and radio appearances including; 'Have I Got News For You’ (BBC ONE), ‘Live At The Apollo’ (BBC ONE), ‘Channel 4’s Comedy Gala Live At The 02’ and most recently ‘Taskmaster’ (DAVE).

 

 

‘Jon Richardson is developing into a quietly sophisticated comedian who is at turns hilarious and disturbing and under no circumstances should you miss‘ **** - The Mirror

‘one of our most individual and interesting stand-ups **** - The Times

 

'Sublimely brilliant, stunning.... - Time Out

 

"For 10 years he has been among the funniest men in Britain." - The Mirror

 

Age recommended 14+

Limit of Six tickets per person

SOLD OUT

Tickets: £20.50

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Griff Rhys Jones : Where was I?

Friday 2nd February at 7:30pm

Join the star of Not the Nine o'clock News, Smith & Jones and Three Men In A Boat as he airs stories, anecdotes, reminiscences and outright lies – from forty years of travelling - down rivers and up mountains, into Africa, out of India, and across the arid wastes of the BBC canteen. It's a career, if you mean bouncing chaotically downhill without a map. 

 

‘Great Comedy’ ★★★★ – The Telegraph

Tickets: £18

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Dave Spikey - Juggling on a Motorbike

Thursday 22nd February at 7:30pm

Dave had been working in the NHS for 19 years as a Biomedical Scientist when in 1987 someone uttered the immortal words, “You’re really funny, you should be a comedian” and for some reason, he took them seriously!!  Only a few short months later he was crowned the winner of the national talent show “Stairway to the Stars”. Larry Grayson, one of the judges, told him that it was a close run thing on the night but what clinched the award for Dave was his routine about a juggler on a motorbike. Fast forward 13 years (Is that possible?) to Friday 13th October 2000 , the day Dave switched off his microscope for good and found himself, the following Monday, sitting on rain swept local car park dressed as a giant berry!! So now in 2017 he celebrates the 30th anniversary of his comedy career. In this show he will look back on his remarkable life and his incredible journey from working class lad to Chief Biomedical Scientist to much loved comedy performer and writer via Phoenix Nights, Eight out of Ten Cats, Bullseye, Dead Man Weds, Magnolia, The Royal Variety Show, Parkinson and many more. He often reflects that maybe none of this would have happened and he might still be looking down his microscope today if it wasn’t for the juggler on the motorbike.

Tickets: £17.50/£16 conc

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David Baddiel My Family: Not The Sitcom

Thursday 1st March to Friday 2nd March at 7:30pm

Following a sold out run at London’s Menier Chocolate Factory and two critically-acclaimed West End runs, David Baddiel takes his Olivier-nominated one-man show to theatres nationwide. My Family: Not the Sitcom is a show about memory, ageing,  infidelity, dysfunctional relatives, moral policing on social media, golf, and gay cats. A massively disrespectful celebration of the lives of David Baddiel’s late sex-mad mother, Sarah, and dementia-ridden father, Colin. Come and be offended on David’s behalf! 

Second show added on 1st March!! Book early to avoid disappointment

Tickets: £25-50

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Milton Jones is Out There

Phil McIntyre Entertainments

Wednesday 7th March at 8pm

Milton Jones is Out There. No, really out there and this time he hasn't just forgotten his keys. He's holding up the mirror of truth to society, and he can see right through it, which means its probably just a window. In his brand new show he'll be putting his foot down and lifting the lid on the pedal bin of lies of the media (which doesn't include this press release obviously). He will also be scaling the heights of fashion at the risk of falling into a terrible cravat. Milton will be talking about his life so far - the ups, the downs and why buying his own see-saw was the best decision he ever made. But perhaps he should give all this up and seek the highest office in the land - but how do you get a desk and a swivel chair up a mountain? Oh and now he wants to be Prime Minister too. Can we do worse than the politicians we already have? Yes we can!

ABSURDIST ONE-LINE MASTERPIECES’

The Times

‘THE BEST ONE-LINER MERCHANT IN BRITISH COMEDY’

Chortle

‘Pun-derful Jones leaves the audience gagging for more’

*****

Metro

‘Jones’s one-liners reach a new height’

****

Time Out

‘Beautiful one liners so skillfully sculpted, you don’t know whether to laugh or put them on your mantlepiece’.

****

Guardian

@themiltonjones       miltonjones.com        facebook.com/miltoncomedyjones

Tickets: £26

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Menopause the Musical

4.30pm and 7.30pm

Starring Cheryl Fergison (EastEnders),  Maureen Nolan (The Nolans), Rebecca Wheatley (Casualty) and Hilary O’Neil (ITV’s Copy Cats). Menopause the Musical is heading out on another UK wide tour. This hysterical show packed full of one-liners about night sweats, hot flushes and memory loss is backed by an instantly recognisable soundtrack of innuendo-laden versions of 60s, 70s and 80s pop classics.

 An all-singing, all-dancing comedy set in a department store, where four women with seemingly nothing in common, meet by chance and make fun of their woeful lives experiencing “The Change”. They soon bond as they realise that the menopause is no longer “The Silent Passage”, but an unavoidable stage in every woman’s life.

The hysterical and uplifting Menopause The Musical will have you laughing, and singing, all the way home.

The show has played sold out-out tours across the world so call your girlfriends and book now for the ultimate girls night out.

Join us on Facebook at “Menopause The Musical UK Tour”

Age advisory +16

Tickets: £25

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Roy Chubby Brown

Friday 16th March at 7:30pm

Chubby doesn't hold back from sharing his outlandish views, sailing so close to the mark, even the most seasoned of fans will be gob-smacked! As politically as ever this live performance is the only place to catch this flamboyant comedian!

If easily offended please stay away!

Age Advisory 18+

Tickets: £20

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Ed Byrne

Tuesday 20th March at 8pm

I originally intended to call the show, “I’ll Millennial You in a Minute”, but my promoter considered the title, “off-puttingly baffling”.   That’s my own chainsaw in the photo, by the way.

Is life that bad or have we good reason to complain about it? Are we filled with righteous anger at a world gone wrong or are we all just a bunch of whiny little brats? In short, are we spoiled? Come and watch as Byrne takes this question, turns it upside down and shakes it until the funny falls out. Go on, spoil yourself.

‘Comedy’s Holy Grail. Go See!’  Sunday Times

 Recognized as one of the finest observational comics in the industry, Ed’s television credits are countless (provided you’re really bad at counting); Mock The Week, Have I Got News For You, The Graham Norton Show, Live At The Apollo, The One Show, Comic Relief Bake Off 2015, The World’s Most Dangerous Roads and, most recently, he and Dara O Brian filmed the follow up their Big Adventure  show for BBC2 entitled Dara and Ed’s Road to Mandalay

Recommended age 16+

www.edbyrne.com / TWITTER @MrEdByrne

Tickets: £24

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Tom Allen: Absolutely

an Off the Kerb Production

Thursday 22nd March at 8pm

'Catch him now and you'll be able to tell people how you saw him before he was famous' The Telegraph 

 

The sharply dressed, well-spoken, disparagingly camp son of working class Bromley, Tom Allen embarks on his debut solo tour this autumn.

 

As seen on Mock The Week, 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, Live at the Apollo, The Great British Bake Off’s Extra Slice, The John Bishop Show, Channel 4’s Comedy Gala at the O2 and heard on Radio 4’s Just a Minute and News Quiz.

Age 14+


 

‘riotous stuff, perfectly delivered’ ★★★★ Scotsman

 

In the last year Tom has supported Sarah Millican around the world, sold out his Edinburgh and London runs and even passed his driving test!

 

 

        'The camply refined comic's Afternoon Tea chat show was a highlight of this year's Edinburgh festival, so it's great to see his light-entertainment prowess being recognised' The Independent

Tickets: £14

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The War of the Worlds

Wednesday 28th March at 7:30pm

“No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's…”

 

…And fewer would have believed in the first years of the twenty-first century that H. G. Wells’ science fiction classic would be performed live by just four actors with intelligences lesser than average…

 

The critically-acclaimed Pantaloons invade the stage in this funny yet faithful new adaptation as they use musical instruments, puppetry and, um, enthusiasm to recreate deadly heat-rays, giant fighting-machines, squidgy tentacled Martians and interplanetary warfare on an epic scale. The chances of success? A million to one…

 

“Part alternative rock band, part thespian… wholly charming.” The Times

Tickets: £15 / £14/ child £10

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PHILL JUPITUS JUPLICITY

Tuesday 3rd April at 8pm

Join stand-up comedian, poet, improviser, and TV stalwart Phill Jupitus for over an hour of tales, laughs and diversions. Watch in delight and/or horror as this experienced funny man drags laughs out of the chaos of his own life and the uncertain world that surrounds it. 

 

Adult themes and situations, but delivered childishly.

 

Phill became a familiar face when he started as team captain on BBC2’s pop quiz Never Mind The Buzzcocks in 1996, which went on to run for 19 years. Aside from Never Mind the Buzzcocks and live stand up shows all over the UK, he also appears as a regular guest on QI (BBC2) and Alan Davies As yet Untitled (Dave), and in 2012 returned to television stand-up for the first time since 2000 with an appearance on Live at the Apollo (BBC1).

 

On BBC Radio 4 Phill is a regular panellist of the award winning I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue and The Unbelievable Truth and was resident curator on The Museum of Curiosity. In addition, he has presented numerous radio documentaries including, Phill Jupitus’ Comic Strips, Calvin and Hobbes and The Man Who Bought Hendrix’s Stage.

 

Phill’s theatre work includes playing Bottom in the Bath Theatre Royal production of A Midsummer’s Night Dream, appearing alongside Jason Manford in the UK touring production of The Producers as Franz Liebkind, the West End production of Urinetown in the role of Caldwell B. Cladwell at the Apollo Theatre and his West End singing debut in 2009 when he played Edna Turnblad in the hit musical Hairspray at The Shaftesbury Theatre.

"… a true comic talent" - Manchester Evening News

"A talented focused wordsmith" - Fest

 

Age 14+

Tickets: £15

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Steptoe and Son

Sunday 8th April at 7:30pm

Albert and Harold; father and son. One proclaims he’s “a poor old man” while the other protests that actually he’s “a dirty old man!” In actual fact, both are telling the truth. These two warring rag-and-bone-men, in their Shepherd’s Bush scrapyard home, became household favourites for entire generations throughout the 60s and 70s and still they continue to entertain audiences today.  

 

Now it’s time to relive some of their finest misadventures through this brand new production. Marking fifty-five years since the show’s first ever broadcast, Hambledon Productions (Hancock’s Half Hour – The Lost Episodes, Educating Rita, Just Like That! The Tommy Cooper Show) breathe life back into the Steptoe household with this faithful, fresh and hilarious adaptation of original episodes from the long-running smash hit BBC sitcom.

 

“The affection for the original shines through in this fine production. I'm delighted that the scripts and the characters continue to be cherished after all this time. The performances are marvellous."  - Ray Galton

 

“This energetic adaptation of some of Steptoe’s funniest, filthiest moments is the loveliest and most vibrant of tributes to Alan Simpson and Ray Galton” – Robert Ross (Comedy Historian)ost vibrant of tributes to Alan

Simpson and Ray Galton:

 

Features the classic episodes: Divided We Stand, Men of Letters and Come Dancing.

Tickets: £14 /£12

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Iain Stirling

Thursday 12th April at 8pm

Iain Stirling - U OK HUN? X

 Iain Stirling is back after a summer narrating smash hit Love Island (ITV2) and now you can see his actual face on his brand new tour! 

After selling out his entire Edinburgh Fringe run out in advance and adding shows due to extra public demand, the BAFTA winning comedian now hits the road to perform his acclaimed, hot ticket show around the UK.

Join the ‘star of comedy’ (The i) as he explores dinner party etiquette and the pressures on a generation brought up in a world of instant gratification. How has modern living affected our ability to find long term happiness? Can social media ever reflect real life? And why is the floor lava?

As well as hosting ITV2’s newest hit comedy gameshow CelebAbility, Iain’s intuitive razor-sharp humour has previously been seen on Virtually Famous (E4), Drunk History and Russell Howard’s Stand Up Central (both Comedy Central), Russell Howard's Good News and Sweat the Small Stuff (both BBC Three) and Fake Reaction and Safe Word (both ITV2).

‘Expect this performer to be playing to huge arenas long after Love Island star Marcel Somerville’s book has begun gathering dust.’ ★ ★ ★ ★ Metro

‘At his best the Edinburgh native is an unhinged free-form anecdotist - his closing tale of a disastrous CBBC gig is a belter ★ ★ ★ ★ Mail On Sunday

‘An extremely funny hour of observational and surreal comedy’ The Telegraph

‘He’s a natural performer who commands your attention’ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ One4Review

‘A whirlwind hour of comedy’ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ Theatre Weekly

‘Riotously funny’ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★  Fringe Biscuit

‘A delight to watch’ ★ ★ ★ ★ Voice Magazine

‘A hilarious show’ ★ ★ ★ ★ I Talk Telly

'Provides an intriguing twentysomething perspective on the current state of his nation'

The Guardian

iaindoesjokes.com

@IainDoesJokes

Melbourne Comedy Festival - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXtU8yX6zvY&t=2s

Russell Howard’s Stand Up Central - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5tkJTrn3yk&t=5s

 

Tickets: £20

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Count Arthur Strong: Alve and Unplugged

Saturday 14th April at 8pm

Alone, solo and by himself, with no one with him, the show business Colossasus (check that) takes us back on a journey through his early career. Using the latest technology and all that (I presume we’ve got a projector?) he will be delving into his own personal box of video cassettes and talking us (you) through the highlights of his glittering tv career, with many of his trademark stories we’ve come to love him for. If you only buy one ticket for something this year make sure it’s this and bring someone with you. You won’t be disappointed by him (me).

 

 

‘Just gets funnier and funnier… left me light headed with delight’ - The Guardian

 

‘…never needed to resort to toilet humour or swearing to maintain one and a half hours of pure hilarity’ - Manchester Evening News.

 

‘A relentless blast of comic surprises’ - The Times

 

‘Laugh-out-loud absurdity, subtly slapstick in both word and deed, from this perfectly-realised fool.’ - Chortle

 

‘There are more sublimely ridiculous moments in this latest show by Steve Delaney’s dilapidated old variety veteran than in any other comedy show I’ve seen this year.’ - The Times

Tickets: £21

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MARK STEEL: EVERY LITTLE THING' S GONNA BE ALRIGHT

Off the Kerb Production

Thursday 17th May at 8pm

This time last year, it seemed highly unlikely the UK would vote to leave the EU; we had a reasonable opposition to the Tory Government; Donald Trump was a buffoon who surely wasn’t going to beat Hilary Clinton and Mark was living the married suburban ideal, a year later it’s all gone to absolute shit!  But don’t worry, as Mark thinks Every Little Thing’s Gonna Be Alright.

Mark’s sell-out show Who Do I Think I Am, revealed his natural father was a world backgammon champion. Now the star of Radio 4’s Mark Steel’s in Town, and newspaper columnist of the year, is back on the road with a new show, guaranteed to make the world seem even more mental than it is.

Mark has written and presented many series of Mark Steel’s In Town on BBC Radio 4 (new series out soon) and toured it live around the UK. Mark has presented the BAFTA nominated Mark Steel Lectures for BBC2, is a regular on BBC One’s Have I Got News For You and Radio 4’s Newsquiz.  He’s also appeared on BBC2’s QI and Room 101. Mark has written several acclaimed books, including: Reasons To Be Cheerful and What’s Going On and he writes a weekly column for The Independent for which he won Columnist of the Year at the Press Awards in 2015. 

Mark recently started filming his columns for The Independent and they’re proving very popular indeed, you can find them here http://www.independent.co.uk/author/mark-steel

**** The Guardian

**** The Independent ‘essential viewing’

**** Sunday Times ‘Profound yet funny’

**** The Scotsman ‘Frank, dryly funny’

 

Further information & tickets: www.offthekerb.co.uk  www.marksteelinfo.co.uk

Twitter:  @mrmarksteel @offthekerb

 

 

 

Parental guidance 14+ likely tobe swearing and adult content

Tickets: £15

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CHRIS RAMSEY LIVE 2018 (The just happy to get out of the house tour)

Monday 21st May at 7:30am

Critically acclaimed and award winning Stand Up comedian, host of his own TV entertainment show and Stand Up show on Comedy Central, Celebrity Juice regular and the only person to ever put Katie Hopkins in her place; Chris Ramsey brings his BRAND NEW 2018 live tour to Lancaster Grand. It sold out last time so snap tickets up as soon as you can! 

**Limited offer**
Everyone who buys a ticket for Chris Ramsey’s brand new tour before Midnight on Sunday 3rd December will get a free download of his last tour show. 
Tickets go on sale at 10am Friday 1st December
 

Tickets: £20

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Ceri Dupree

Saturday 26th May at 7:30pm

The FAAAAAAABULOUS Ceri Dupree is back on the road with his One Man, 21 woman show. Presenting a glamorous evening of hysterical comedy, amazing vocal impersonations and jaw dropping, eye popping costumes. You could meet Adele, Cher, Joan Collins, Lady Ga Ga, Bjork, Shirley Bassey, Camilla and even the Queen! Ceri brings them all lovingly to life with a touch of Las Vegas class rarely seen in the UK today. Early booking for this is strongly advised!! “Dupree storms the stage with style, wit, glamour, and a pace that leaves you amazed.” (TIME OUT.) “Slick and saucy, rude and risqué, fun and fantastic.” (LEICESTER MERCURY.) “I’ve seen hundreds of men dress up as women over the years, most of them disastrously so. A handful of them get this particular art form right,Ceri Dupree is one of that handful.” (THE TIMES)

Tickets: £18/£16

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Danny Baker GOOD TIMES CHARLIE'S BACK

Wednesday 30th May at 7:30pm

My fellow Vaudevillians,

Following the extraordinary success of the Cradle To Grave tour I was asked to reconsider my initial statement that I would never undertake such a venture again. The applause of the public can be a seductive narcotic and weaker souls than I would be tempted to repeat the thrills harvested during that   ‘uproarious whirligig of joy’ simply to bolster their already outsize egos.  After much reflection I have decided that I cannot allow such rampant narcissism to cloud my judgment. I said ‘one farewell’ tour’ and I meant ‘one farewell tour’. There will be no more.

Therefore I am pleased to announce that, to mark this momentous decision, I will be embarking on a nationwide, high-principled, peppy series of one-night-stands calling at dozens of theatres around the country starting in May 2018.

 

These exhibitions will be startling, high kicking, fresh, eruptive and often under three hours long. On this, once again, you have my word. To help me mark the festivities I will joined on some nights by both Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan – two of the nicest dogs I have ever owned.

 

I hope people will understand my resolve never to tour again and also why these upcoming performances are absolutely necessary to mark such a declaration.

 

I hope you can once more attend to help celebrate my iron will in this matter and on the night reflect that, even in these fickle times, there are still men who will hold fast to their principles.

 

I am that man. So vote for me.  Sorry, not ‘vote’, I meant ‘come and see’.

 

It will be almost certainly your last chance.  To quote the philosopher Slocombe, “I am unanimous in that.’

 

Now raise the curtain, pour the drinks, play the music - because here we go again…

 

 

★★★★★ "A delightful nostalgia fest. An ‘evening with’ like no other", Mail on Sunday

★★★★★ "A raft of cracking anecdotes", Mail on Sunday

★★★★ "Boy can he sell a story… a compelling, evocative account of his south London roots", Evening Standard

★★★★ "A sequel surely beckons" Evening Standard

★★★★ "Entertaining audiences with stories that are eclectic", The I

★★★★ "Brings them to life through a blend of irrepressible gusto" The i

"Good fun”, The Times

"Baker is at ease on stage”, The Times

"It's hard not to marvel at the flow”, The Guardian

 “Baker makes a compelling case for the liveliness of his personal golden age. His glee, and his love for their protagonists, bring them leaping to life. As a host, he’s entirely unpretentious and fires off stories as they come to him”, The Guardian

Tickets: £22.50/£20

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The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

National Production Company

1.30pm & 7.30pm

The National Production Company presents 'The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged).'  This critically acclaimed play is an irreverent, fast-paced romp through the Bard’s 37 plays!   Join these madcap performers in tights as they weave their way through all of Shakespeare’s Comedies, Histories and Tragedies in one wild ride that will leave you breathless and helpless with laughter.

 

NOTICE! The National Production Company take no responsibility for any loss of blood pressure, brain cells or partners during the course of the proceedings. This is a high paced action packed thrill ride and we ask that; should the intense hurtling speed of the Shakespearean canon and our majestic performances cause you to vomit and burst into flames, please refrain from screaming too loudly so as not to affect the enjoyment of those around you. May the Bard be with you.

Tickets: £15/£12 conc/£10 child 1 teacher free with every 10

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Past Shows (1)

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Snow White - Adult Panto 2017

Saturday 9th, Sunday 10th and Monday 11th December 2017

Mirror Mirror on the wall, Who's the naugthiest of them all! It's the adult panto team of course! And after ten years of sell out silliness they're back for more fantastic festive frivolity with they're own take on Snow White. This Christmas Cracker of a show is crammed with fun and laughter all the way but be sure to book soon as it's bound to sell out.

Strictly over 16s Only.

SOLD OUT

Tickets: £20

This show is in the past.

PLEASE NOTE WE DO NOT POST OUT TICKETS

Tickets can be collected from the box office in advance or half an hour before the show.